Lack of commitment

A year ago i promised myself to really start putting effort into my blog. Eventually the promise become another empty one. Tsk tsk tsk... Not a good sign.

One day, I will fulfill this dream. But for now, let me keep on daydream about it. Anyway daydreaming is my favorite past time hahaha! 

Ciao~ I will be back!!

Rediscovering "love" ;>

Recently, I started reading blogs by Singapore bloggers, some of them are famous in a way. I started off trying to find inspirational role model(s) regarding lifestyle as a female living in Singapore (I wanted to say "Singaporean" but I'm technically not one yet so.. you get the idea hahaha). Well I think that the task given by my lao ban to be a social media expert does fuels my search but what really does drives my search is my needs to feel inspired, as a young adult struggling to get by each day in Singapore. I guess all these contributes and now reading blogs has become my favourite past time! hahaha!

While blog-jumping, I rediscovered the reason why I having a blog. I wanted a place online that I can call it my own little space, to rant about life. I remembered the time when I started writing entries of my life in excel spreadsheet (coz that's the first software I've learned when I started using win95 computer...) and keeping it saved in colorful diskette. LOL So... I'm going to keep blogging. I need this little space to motivate myself about life and to keep me breathing. (okay, a little too exaggerating). In short, I wanted a space to rant and ramble!! @#!@$#@%!@#%!#

I'm thinking of deleting my past posts to have a fresh start, since I'm thinking of publicizing this little space of mine. It's a little embarrassing of showcasing my past posts, written in an childish way.. and the spelling used, oh 我的天！Too much of a joke. I might delete past posts someday, just not today. It's hard to say goodbye to my old posts even though they are ridiculously teenage-ish (is there such a word?) and embarrassing. But they are part of the old (young) me. Whenever I think of deleting my old posts, it feels like I'm throwing away a part of who I am. Being the sentimental me, I can't do it. But that doesn't mean I can't explore ways to hide it. With "Google" as my best friend, I'm invincible! (well not really).

Till next time. :)

The pain of being me

Studies

It's nearing the end of march (technically it is the last day of march).. And getting nearer to the closing date for some of the university courses application period for this year/next year. As my plan is to start schooling within this year and next year.. I need to apply for university course, literally NOW. But here I am, lazing around writing blog post. hahahaha. 

Have spoken to Mr chang about my studies. He said that it is better for me to opt for schooling overseas which I think is something very very very tempting. But truth to be told, I am not an adventurous person that I can simply go far way from home to pursue my dreams. It is difficult in many ways. And I am not confident that I can juggle my life and studies well at the same time. I'm struggling now so what will happen if I go abroad? Too scary x.x What should I do?? I wanted to spend the least amt of money on studies and yet I wanted to go abroad experience the life as a student in western country.   

Well at the end of yesterday, I've decided to complete my bachelor studies here in singapore. And look for opportunities to attend master course abroad perhaps. It's good to keep upgrading myself in anyway. Hope I won't change my mind at the end of today.. *Am I making the right decision??*

Work

Sometimes I can't help but wonder whether it is really a good choice to leave my ex-company for a smaller, but growing company.. To be honest, I am much much much~ happier working in the latter. Which I think is very important for the current me. Gathering energy for pursuing my career in my mid twenties/early thirties. Hahahaha. *finding excuses to have the easy way out* But sometimes I will feel a teeny weeny bitter as my current benefits are not as great. It's a trade-off i think. The stressful the work is, the more benefits the company will offer. Oh well.. Things will get better I hope :) *Or will it be like this always??*

Life

Recently my mom started to make over our house! And there will be a shift in the arrangement of bedroom. My mom asked me if I wanted to move into the master bedroom and share the room with her.. Should I? I'm hoping that I can get my own purple bedroom back :'( But doesn't seems possible for now. Sigh.. My mom said to let her know whether I want to stay put in the room or shift to the master bedroom. So difficult to decide! Both choices have its own pros and cons.. Oh god.. So hard to decide x.x If only I can have my own room... Sigh :<

Been watching lots of lifestyle videos on youtube lately. (Thanks to buibui, I'm hooked onto youtube) And I know more about beauty and skincare routine! Which I think is super important for females who want to maintain youthful looks. 保养要趁早, 不然后悔莫及~ So to prevent myself from regretting, I must start early, like NOW! Hahaha. I wanted to be 年轻辣妈 (if I'm giving birth), make my son/daughter classmate jelly~ HAHAHA. Think too much. Anyway, I'm looking into investing on cleansing tool for my face but which one should I buy? Wanted to start off with a cheaper one just to try it out before investing on a more higher-end product. But I just missed a time sale, and the current price doesn't make the product worthwhile. So I think I'm going to wait for the price to drop.. *or invest in the higher-end* So hard to decide.. :<

So in summary, I think that I'm slowly getting back in track in life. I realized the importance of having goals in life and dreams. Hence, I will spend the next weeks/months to think through what I really want to achieve in life, so that I will feel contented and happy. Personally, I think that being happy in what you do makes life a lot sweeter. Afterall, life is a journey. The choice is yours to be sugary sweet or bitterly sour. 

Signing off.

2014!!

Finally, NEW LOOK and NEW POST. How exciting! *glance at my bf*

Currently having my post CNY break before I start work officially at Indigo. Excited about my new job. It's always good to have something to look forward to, keeps you positively motivated about life you know. Hopefully the good mood keeps up.

Looking back, I find that I have been too lazy. And my laziness have caused me a lot. The most obvious consequences of my laziness -> weight gain. Not that I'm a slim girl in the past but in 2013, I have gained so so so much that I feel disgusted by my flabby arms, jiggly stomach and big fat ass. I think ENOUGH is ENOUGH.

After the CNY feasting that lasted for a few days (it's CNY and as a glutton, I simply can't say "NO" to delicacies), I've FINALLY (yes, finally) started on my diet regime. No idea if the diet plan that I'm following through works, but.. Better than nothing right? hahahaha! I got my diet plan done up after sourcing from Youtube and referencing from my colleague's diet program. I adjusted the diet plan according to my habits and all.. So hopefully it works. Shall share the love with my friends only if I succeed in slimming down. :)

Oh, by the way I started attending Zumba (Fitness) classes held at Woodgrove CC in Dec 2013, though it is not exactly near my house but still nearer than other locations listed. 死 Donald said it is a zebra class. Although normally i will wear black/white clothing to the class but that doesn't mean it really is zebra class. Anyway, I LOVE the class and the instructor. Not too "dancey" (too many dance movements) and it's effective, I can feel my muscles sore the next day (evidence of working out). I like dancing and feeling fit.

Lately, I am thinking of attending dance class or singing class, so as to develop a talent. Something that I can feel proud of and feel good about myself. Most importantly, I want to be someone and write my own legacy. HAHAHA. But on the other hand, I have no money to invest in one. Saving up for university yo. *Sigh..

Alright.. I'm a little tired of writing. Signing off.

Every child is an artist.  The problem is how to remain an artist once he grows up. 

Birthday Afterthoughts

On the 13th of July 2013 marks a very special day for me. Yes, its my 21st birthday! :) Well even though things didn't turn out as well as i've imagined but at least i had fun.. And yes again, very very tired x.x I guess too much excitement means body breakdown which results to 2 days MC. What a weakling...

Anyway I've received so much love on that day. Really grateful for those who came to my birthday party despite the place is so difficult to find. At least I know im loved :') Not forgetting all those wonderful presents! Will be uploading the photos soon, after I nurse my weak body back to health..

Side note: Received quite a few perfumes, do I really needed one? :x but nonetheless I love all the presents!

After the hectic party, I'm going to focus on getting citizenship then plan to go on furthering my studies. I know it won't be easy, but i'm sure i will pull through.

Last but not least, special thanks to Xiaoqi, my best friend forever for helping me to pull things through and get things going. I can't imagine how everything will turn out without her.. I am blessed with such a good friend :')

Just a quick update on my life. Signing off.

Life, have not been so kind lately. 

Constantly stressed out over work. Forced to involve in work politics, difficult vendor/colleagues making your life even harder and always straining myself to keep up with the 'efficiency' facade. 

One word to summarize: Tired

Everyday when I open my eyes, the first thing that come to my mind is "can I skip work today?" or "MC?". And I have to force myself out of bed to get ready for work.. Demoralizing.. This could be a sign. Telling me to leave/resign. 

Probably its high time that I pack and leave. 4 months and 5days to go.. Good luck.. I needed that.

Signing off..

17th Month

To my dear ah kwang,

Here's the post that you have been waiting for soooo long haha. On saturday we have celebrated our 17th monthsary! I'm glad that we're still going on strong, even if there are some bickering every now and then..I am thankful that you are always there for me. Like you've said: "When you truly love someone, you will love everything about them, including their strength and weaknesses." Even though you always unintentionally say something hurtful, however my love for you will not stop, just like how I know you will never stop loving me even if I didn't spent enough quality time with you.

All and all, thank you for keeping your promises to me until now. I can see that you are trying your best to be a better man for me. So in return, I shall give you my heart. Please treat it with care as it has been broken once, but was mended by your perpetual love.

Signing Off With Love,
Pauline :)